The Jolly Adventures of Miss Reina Poons
by Niai
Summary: As Miss Reina Poons of Ironforge leaves home for the first time, she decides to keep a diary of her travels. Experience an epic tale of ineffective bandits, moronic Paladins, and a buttkicking Gnome who is three inches high and has bright pink curly hair.


**Dear diary.** Hello there. We have not met before, so allow me to introduce myself properly. My name is Reina Poons, and as I write to you I am sitting on a rather uncomfortable bench on the platform of the Ironforge tram station. Today is my fifteenth birthday (the coming of age for Gnomes, don't you know). Now that I'm leaving home to go and experience the big bad world, I am keeping a diary so that I can show my grandpa all my thrilling exploits (though I have been instructed to use as little explicit language as possible, which may become a problem)

**Dear Diary.** Well, the tram arrived eventually (albeit half an hour late!). It turned out that a gang of dwarves got steaming drunk on a stag party, wandered around a bit and somehow ended up collapsing in a drunken heap in the middle of the track! It took an hour for the authorities to shift them! Honestly! It would have been faster if I'd walked to Stormwind! Anyway, after a most thrilling ride on the tram I emerged from the station and found myself in what I later found out to be the Dwarven District of the city. There was an incredible stench of stale urine and other rather unpleasant odours in the air. It was a most uncouth experience for a lady of my noble upbringing... okay, so living in Ironforge with Grandpa isn't exactly a noble upbringing, but he taught me not to piss in the corner of the street, which is more than can be said for those oafish dwarves. I'm going to have to find accomidation in the city, lest my shoes be stolen whilst I sleep, so I'm going to try and find a cheap Inn.

**Dear Diary.** What an outrage! The Inns in this city expect me to PAY for a room! Yes, Dear Diary, PAY! I informed them that my piggyback was back at home in Ironforge as I had forgotten to take it with me, and the rest of my money I had spent on kababs at the train station. They said I still needed to pay, and when I started a hearty protest (I did a rather good angry jig on top of the counter) they had the nerve to throw me out! I'm in the right mind to report them to the local authorities on account of them doing bodily harm to a young lady (I swear I've got a small bruise on my left ankle from when I bounced down the steps). I got a tip-off from a trust-worthy looking chap in a black cape that they have cheap accomodation in Goldshire, so I'm heading there now.

**Dear Diary.** I finally arrived in Goldshire! Unfortunately, it is not a particularly nice place. When I arrived there was a large mob of tall people all crowded around, singing sea shanties and dancing around on the table-tops in various states of undress. I swear, dear Diary, my innocent eyes were nearly blinded! As disgusted by this behaviour as I was, I wandered up to the counter in hopes of quenching my thirst. After finally getting the attention of the barkeep (I had to jump up and down quite a bit before he noticed my bright pink hair bopping up and down behind the counter) I asked him for a glass of prune juice. And I kid you not, dear diary: he did not have any! I informed him that prune juice was the most popular Gnomish drink around, and that he was severely damaging his profits not to serve it. He told me to piss off. I was seriously angered by his foul language but let it slide as I have heard that humans aren't as cultured as as Gnomes, so it is only to be expected really.

**Dear Diary.** I had heard that the crime levels were through the roof in the human lands, but I certainly did not expect to be a victim of robbery within my first day of being here, two human men walked up to me at the bar and said that they had a proposal for me and wanted to talk to me somewhere more private. They led me to the basement of the pub among all the beer barrels and such (it smelled of pee down here too). I asked them what they wanted with me (I was expecting to receive a private invitation into the Stormwind cultural elite). They then proceedded to whip out two rather threatening knifes, told me that this was a stick-up and demanded that I hand over all my money! The cheek of them! I informed them truthfully that I didn't have any money. My piggybank was back in Ironforge, and the rest of the money I'd spend on kebabs at the tram station. They didn't believe me though, and proceeded to chase me out of the inn. I tried to lose them in the nearby lake, but my armour made me too heavy and I couldn't swim properly I made them a proposal with them. I would give each of them a one on one duel. If I won, they had to leave me alone, and if I lost, I would give them all my money. Foolishly, they agreed. I thoroughly thrashed them, and they ran away like big chickens.

**Dear Diary.** I managed to bribe the innkeep into letting me have a free room (I found some maggots crawling about under my chair and threatened to call the Stormwind health standards authority), and so I am now lying here all tucked up and ready to go to bed. I can only hope the rest of my stay in these lands is as eventful. I think tomorrow I'll go and kill some Murlocs. Bastards.


End file.
